Abong Brian: Isa Lie?

Isa Lie
Black skin is amazing. I used to think we were dark because well, we live around the tropics and it’s hot over here. Anything I had subjected to heat in my 10 or so years of existence by that time had turned darker, getting to my skin tone, then darker to purplish black. The whites therefore were light because it’s colder where they be. I reasoned. Physics later added to my opinion when I learnt that white reflects heat, but then why weren’t Africans white? All this heat being reflected back would have been an effective weapon against global warming. And what about the inhabitants of the Sahara and Arabian Deserts? Long story short, I used to think about quite a few things and I still do. However, I now also think black skin and cold weather don’t mix, at least mine doesn’t.
Ash to ash, dust to dust
Lotion and Vaseline fall under the same category as makeup in my book. Since I started dressing myself, I’ve applied little to none of that stuff. If I’m wearing closed shoes, why apply lotion to my feet? That was the norm, and it worked. Admittedly, my body would get ashy, in those ash friendly places like between the fingers, elbows and feet. But never has my entire body gotten ashy, until recently. It was like someone dusted a blackboard eraser all over my body. DaFaq was going on? Winter was turning me white, and not the privileged type. Anyway, as someone who cannot identify as metro sexual or whatever, I don’t believe men should wear makeup. If you’re an actor or staring in a music video to launch your career as a sex symbol, cool. But after that, wipe that shit off. Even ladies I believe shouldn’t wear makeup. Why? Because it’s probably the reason the special ladies in our lives take ages to get dressed. I say special because I won’t wait for any insert random female name here. Also, its fraud. Plain and simple. Makeup is obtaining food, compliments, sex, money, attention, affection etc. under false pretence. But the a shyness got to extremes, and I decided I may need to apply makeup.
Makeup, You? Howly?
Normally jokes are shared between two people, or a group that has its major defining feature as their proximity at that very moment. In my case however, the person I was with started laughing, then people around us also started laughing. And we were walking, so this was like a live feed of a joke. The problem was, I didn’t get the joke. A chuckle, choke and a few tears later, she asked me a question. Why are your legs so ashy? And burst out laughing again.
Now I got it, I was the joke. I looked down at my feet, and yep. It’s like I had a second skin, some places were grey, others black. Others glittered as the sun hit at weird angles. This wasn’t funny, I was scared. My legs and feet had never looked like this. I was wearing my most famous shorts, the things I’ve worn almost everywhere. Every trip around Uganda, my one trip to Europe, in the swimming pool and recently, to South Africa. And never had my bottom half looked so much like the walls of an abandoned smoke house.
This therefore called for drastic measures. See, I usually buy a bottle of lotion and use it for about a year or so. Between my fingers, on my fading tattoo and my feet when I’m in my trademark African crafts. Since the Ashy day however, that has changed. I apply that cold stuff whenever I’m not in a hurry; on my legs, the parts of my back I can reach, chest and my drumsticks. At times I just avoid exposing too much skin. But this is a lie.
Isa Lie?
My lotion is like it was designed in an experimental army base. The terms used range from intensive care, multi-layer to micro droplets, all of which should help “restore dry skin to reveal its natural glow” and “soothe extra dry skin”. Yep, that’s what I needed, unless ashy skin isn’t dry skin. But after over 3 months of applying almost daily and the bottle running out, if I miss a single day, the ash is present. What kind of scam is this? You promise one thing, but deliver only if used daily? Isn’t this slavery of some sort? Vaseline-did I think this would be possible.
| Abong Brian

Advertisements

The disappointing Adonai paintball experience

47.jpg

We were all looking forward to enjoying a few paintball games at Adonai. It had been a while since the Ssezibwa and griffin falls trip so paintball came up just at the right time. We get to Adonai and the first red flag we see was the lousy zip line set up just at the gate. We didn’t mind it since we hadn’t come for that so we proceeded to the waiting/ dressing area where we also signed disclaimer forms that absolved Adonai from any responsibility should an injury be sustained when one takes their protective gear off. That document gives one the impression that things get real down at the shooting course. Everything was good and you could feel the anxiety in the air as we waited for the paintball course to free up.

52

The second red flag was the old, torn, faded gowns they handed for us to switch into before leaving for the course. We figured since it’s a muddy place having fancy gowns would be a waste so we everyone grabbed what fit, got a paintball gun and we followed one of the referees, Nassim I believe, down to the muddy shooting course. We handed the guns over to be filled up with the green paint balls and gas placed into the small gas cylinders that power the gun propulsion system.

7271

We were even taken through the rules of engagement, split into teams, we deployed into the battlefield, whistles were blown for the games to start and that’s when things started going downhill.

6567

The paintball guns kept jamming, most of them had gas leaks so the gas run out faster than it normally should which all led to to incessant pausing of the game. We practically didn’t do any battle because the guns failed to work.

64

What was disappointing was that there was never a sign at any one time that we were getting a refund despite the fact that they didn’t deliver the paintball experience as advertised. They kept receiving money from clients like everything was okay and running smoothly. I don’t believe management at Adonai believes in refunds because efforts to reach them went in vain so we left very unhappy people. We got scammed!

68

The only thing that saved the day was the pork and booze some of us drowned in later in the night. They helped wash away the feelings of disappointment, anger and embarrassment that creeped into most of us that day after that immensely disappointing paintball experience at Adonai.

80